The Family Practice

Supervise your employees as if they were your children— with patience, compassion and a bit of tough love.

BY FRANCESCA DI MEGLIO | ILLUSTRATION BY RAUL ALLEN

Children and employees have many things in common. To succeed, both require plenty of nurturing and, at times, a fi gurative kick in the rear.

So, it’s only natural that parents and managers share many of the same job requirements. In fact, executives can become better managers by pulling advice from their metaphorical parenting manuals. Here are some rules that can come in handy in the office:

DRAW ON THEIR STRENGTHS AND HELP THEM WORK ON WEAKNESSES. Both as a parent and manager, you must assess each individuals’ strengths and weaknesses to determine his or her needs, says Marilyn Puder-York, psychologist and author of The Office Survival Guide. If your child is excelling in one subject and performing poorly in another, a tutor may be necessary in the latter.

Likewise, if an employee is lacking certain skills, you should provide additional training. Puder-York points out that good managers scope out potential employees’ strong points during the interview process, and hire, place and evaluate them based on those skills. Th at should be the starting point to determine where extra training would help.

SHOW COMPASSION FOR A STRUGGLING CHILD. Mom and dad do their best to soothe a crying baby or comfort a brokenhearted teenager, and employers have to do the same when employees are struggling with personal problems. Puder-York, who is also an executive coach, says managers must show empathy when it’s appropriate, like allowing employees the option to work from home during a diffi cult illness or hard time. At the same time, they must know where to draw the line so people don’t take advantage of their generosity. (When parents don’t draw the line, they run the risk of creating spoiled children.)

USE POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT TO SHAPE THEIR BEHAVIOR. “When teens can understand the consequences of their actions, it is much better to pat them on the back when they follow through on the rules,” Puder-York says. Although punishment is sometimes necessary, you want to reward more oft en—and the same is true when dealing with the average employee. Indeed, many companies reward employees regularly—with everything from a plaque to an actual bonus.

BE TRAINED IN THE FINE ART OF LISTENING. From birth, babies demand to be heard, and parents have no choice but to listen and respond. Employers must also proactively pay attention to employees who voice their ideas, questions and concerns: They shouldn’t interrupt, and they should respond appropriately. Granted, sometimes the right answer is to do nothing at all. “It’s always better to get ‘sign on’ from your troops, whether at home or at the offi ce,” says Marlin S. Potash, president of Potash Management Corp., which specializes in organizational consulting and interpersonal skills training. “Give them a chance to participate, state their opinions and brainstorm their solutions when you’ve got a problem.” Potash says they’re more likely to get with the program if you engage them.

OVERTHROW YOUR INNER DICTATOR. Nobody—neither children nor employees—likes a dictator. However, you’re the boss, and your employees must believe and respect what you say. For example, rather than asking your assistant if he or she has time to copy documents, fi rmly say, “Please copy these documents for me by noon.” M. Gene Ondrusek, clinical and consulting psychologist at Integrated Health Management, warns that people should avoid confusing authoritarianism with authoritativeness because the fi rst comes from insecurity and the latter from self-confi dence.

DON’T TREAT EVERY CHILD THE SAME. Parents will tell you that their children each have his or her own personality, so you must care for each differently—and the offi ce is no different. Even if you favor certain employees, you can’t show it or resentment will build. However, you also have to manage each person in a way that will bring out the best in him or her. Some will need more hand holding, others more independence. You have to be the judge.

How you treat employees will change over time. “We know that you cannot parent your 13-year-old the same way you did when she was 4,” Ondrusek says. “Likewise, as your direct reports develop in terms of their abilities and mastery of their jobs, you adjust your management style accordingly.”

MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES TO THEIR ACTIONS. Both good parents and managers must set boundaries. When employees misbehave—by coming in late or missing deadlines— they risk getting paid less or getting fi red. Puder-York says employers must follow through on warnings so employees don’t view them as a pushover.

BE A ROLE MODEL. True leaders lead by example. They act morally and do what is right, so followers learn the correct path. If you want your child to share his toys, you’ll share the remote with your spouse. If you want your employees to come to work on time and put in extra hours when it’s busy, you’ll be at the offi ce early and stay late.

LEARN THE VIRTUE OF PATIENCE. Being patient is diffi cult for most parents and managers, but rolling with the punches and remaining calm when things do not go exactly your way are necessary to survive. Just take a deep breath because everything is going to be all right.

LIKE MOM, LIKE MANAGER

Sometimes employees can act downright childish. Here are some situations and ways to respond that may come in handy when disciplining an unruly worker.

SCENARIO #1
A child throws a tantrum in the middle of a store because he wants a toy and mom won’t buy it. She should pick him up, even if he’s screaming, and walk out—without the toy, of course.

AT THE OFFICE: An employee has an outburst in the middle of a meeting because he thinks his idea is the only one that will work.

WHAT TO DO: Politely ask the employee to leave the meeting and cool off. Later, meet privately with the employee to find out what caused the outburst in the first place, how you can resolve the problem, and how you can prevent such an event from ever happening again.

SCENARIO #2

A child avoids cleaning her room until there seems to be fungus growing. Parents should take away privileges— television or video games, for example—until she cleans her room.

AT THE OFFICE: An employee always misses or is late to the weekly meeting, despite repeated warnings.

WHAT TO DO: Threaten to fire the employee unless she gets her act together. If she doesn’t make it to the next meeting, replace her with someone who will be more responsible.