Communication Breakdowns
Talk it OUT
With open dialogue and an open mind, say goodbye to communication breakdowns.
BY MARGOT CARMICHAEL LESTER
Imagine this office scenario: Your working relationship with a key manager has deteriorated to the point that you’re not really talking. Information flow is at a minimum, and so is civility. You could tell the manager to start looking for a new job. Or you could turn this all-too-common problem into a leadership opportunity. Here’s how.
FOCUS ON INTEREST
When communications break down, the parties often take their positions and refuse to budge. But you can break the stalemate. “Seek out the interests behind the employee’s position,” says Ronnie Moore, Atlanta-area author of Why Did I Say That? Communicating to Keep Your Credibility, Your Cool and Your Cash! “A position is what the person wants; an interest is the reason why they want it. Instead of just looking at the position-based communication, you need to constantly be looking at the why, or the interest, behind what is being said.”
Not sure how to engage? Start by asking a few nonjudgmental questions. “Give feedback and ask for information,” says Lori Marcoux, founder of Extraordinary Learning in Seattle. “I want to know what is going on for a person [to] not participate, and to encourage this person to participate [and] outline the benefits of participation to him or her. I never give up and am consistent with my efforts. This person eventually participates or quits.”
LISTEN UP
After they open up, get ready to listen. “Actively listening to your employees may convey far more to them than speaking,” says Susan Bethanis, founder and CEO of Mariposa Leadership Inc. in San Francisco and author of Leadership Chronicles of a Corporate Sage. “Asking questions and gaining other’s perspectives can be far more powerful and insightful than constantly barraging employees with your opinions.”
If you’re not a good listener, or don’t think you can be in this situation, enlist a wingman. “There’s no way to address the issue correctly and fairly [unless you] bring in an objective third-party member, whether it’s a boss or mediator,” Moore says. “It should be someone that both parties find to be objective and fair to help resolve an issue of communications breakdown.”
GIVE IT TIME
Even if you use these techniques, breakdowns don’t mend overnight. Meryl Runion, CEO of SpeakSTRONG in Colorado Springs, advocates taking your time to mend those fences. “Focus on the relationship you envision and be concrete in your commitments,” she says. “Keep the focus on the positive relationship you want more than on how bad things were before. Be willing to win them back over time.”
Following these steps can help get communications flowing again. And focusing on them going forward will go a long way toward keeping breaches from happening again.
Making open lines of communication a core value will increase morale, improve effectiveness and productivity, and benefit the bottom line.
A FOUNDATION OF TRUST
A breakdown in communication may be symptomatic of a deeper breakdown in trust. The connection between you and your managers is the key to both mending broken relationships and keeping existing relationships from going south.
“If trust is not recognized as being the foundation upon which all communication is built, the communication itself will be nothing more than a mere exercise lacking in substance and ultimately leading to the same bad outcome,” says Perry Sofferman, founder and CEO of the Palm Beach Strategy Group in Boca Raton, FL.
Establishing or re-establishing trust between you and your employees begins with a two-step process:
1. EXTEND YOUR ACCOUNTABILITY.
“The more I am willing to stretch my personal line of ownership, with the clear intention of opening lines of communication and building stronger, working relationships, the more effective I am,” says Lori Marcoux, founder of Extraordinary Learning in Seattle.
2. TAKE ACTION.
“Listening to your employees’ concerns and suggestions and then simply ignoring them will undoubtedly have a negative impact on both the quantity and quality of the input you receive,” Sofferman says. “When we know that our input is being taken seriously and acted upon, we are more likely to engage in a productive and trusting dialogue.”
Building trust reaps benefits beyond effective communication. “People follow those they know and trust,” Marcoux says. So creating a trusting environment at the office will build your leadership capacity and make everyone more effective.