Kids

MIND YOUR MANNERS

In addition to needing constant reminding, children need their parents to set an example.

Getting kids to learn manners and practice manners can sometimes be the bane of any parent’s existence. Sure, many moms and dads start with the “please” and “thank you” indoctrination as soon as their toddlers can understand what those magic words mean, but, as all parents know, trying to raise a child who has good manners can be exhausting.

There’s plenty to work on besides what to say to get the salt passed at the dinner table or when grandma comes by with a birthday gift. One manners expert says the road to courteous behavior is getting children to focus on respecting adults. And the way to do that is to consistently model for children the behavior we expect.

One classic example is movie manners. “If I go to the theater, and a child is kicking the back of my seat, I’ll first politely ask the child to stop. If that doesn’t work, I’ll ask the parent to get their child to stop,” says Leah Ingram, author of The Everything Etiquette Book. Showing children how to behave when someone else is not being courteous sends clear signals.

As for specific manners “situations,” another motherly manners maven has some helpful hints for one sticky situation: dining at someone else’s house.

“Practice the ‘yucky food’ situation at home,” suggests Stacy DeBroff, founder of Mom Central (www..momcentral.com) and author of The Mom Book. “If your child is eating over at a friend’s house, explain to her that it’s best to say ‘No, thank you’ when served something she doesn’t like.” That’s bound to be more polite than what might come out of a small child’s mouth at the sight of brussel sprouts.

Aside from teaching the manners needed to get through polite social settings, DeBroff says it’s important for parents to dispense corrective advice with gentleness. Nobody likes being embarrassed in public. So, if necessary, have a brief chat with your child if there’s been a lapse in courteous behavior, preferably in private.

There’s no quick fix to teaching children polite manners; good manners take time. So, as Ingram says, until children reach a certain age, parents must be prepared to be on manners call 24/7. —Joanne Cronrath Bamberger

Nobody likes being embarrassed in public. So, if necessary, have a brief chat with your child if there’s been a lapse in courteous behavior, preferably in private.