Kids

words by > Joanne Cronrath Bamberger

AS the spring air warms up and any remaining snow melts from the fields, parents and children across the country are breaking out the cleats and shin guards to welcome back spring soccer season.

Children who have been cooped up inside all winter are anxious for the season to start. But there’s one thing that can put a damper on the much-anticipated team building, sportsmanship and camaraderie of what has become a beloved Saturday morning tradition for so many American children: overzealous parents.

Dr. Cathryn Tobin, author of The Parent’s Problem Solver and a soccer mom herself, says that moms and dads need to find a way to turn the toxic cocktail of parental competitiveness and overly-involved parent/ coaches back into a fun activity for their little ones.

“It’s so easy to fall into the trap of criticizing your child on the soccer field,” says Tobin. “But when I ask children why they drop out of an activity they love, like soccer, often the reason is because of parents pushing them too hard.”

While the majority of soccer parents don’t fall into that category, it’s essential to keep the troublesome minority to a minimum.

Why do some parents succumb to such verbally aggressive tactics? One seasoned soccer coach believes there’s a certain sense of entitlement on the part of those who were their children’s first coaches.

“When kids in the four-to six-year-old range need direction when learning to play, they usually get it from parent coaches,” says Jim Homan, head soccer coach at the College of St. Mary and a 20-year veteran of coaching soccer. “Once they turn over that role to others, when their kids are older, it’s hard to let go. They still want to do it later, but that undermines the current coach’s authority.”

Homan says it’s not just parents of younger players who need reminders about soccer etiquette: he’s seen parents of high school and college level soccer players get into verbal melees on the soccer sidelines, too. Soccer players of all ages resent such behavior, Homan says, but more importantly, it keeps players from trying to figure the game out on their own and undermines their self-confidence.

So, what advice do these two soccer pros have to offer to make this season pleasurable for players and parents alike?

1. Adopt a zero-tolerance policy for negative comments. “Coaches should make it clear from the start of the season that certain behavior is not acceptable. If you can’t stay positive or stay quiet, you’re not welcome on the field,” says Homan.
2. If you’ve got a beef with the coach, save it for later. Parents might have some legitimate comments to offer, but it’s better to save them for after the game.
3. Don’t force your child to talk about their team or their recent game if they’re not ready. Tobin says she learned the hard way that it’s easier to have a productive conversation with her daughter about soccer if she waits for her to bring it up.
4. If you think you might be a “back-seat coach,” try staying quiet for one game and listen to the other parents. This can give you a sense of what second-guessing does to young players and also how it makes you feel as a parent if others are criticizing your child.
5. Be there as a parent to acknowledge your child’s efforts, not just their achievements. Weekend soccer is supposed to be about having fun, getting exercise and learning how to work as a team.